sayahmymy

had fun today with walnut

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 12:25:23 GMT

Walnut=Vince

watched the Princess and the frog
which was really good ahhahhaha
worked on some talent show stuff...working out pretty well and I think I may have a nice lil
get together for New years.
^.^

Vince and sarah simultaneously(literally like at the SAME time, you can't plan this kinda thing sorta simultaneously thing):
"Where you don't eat fish? Yeah."
and then we both laughed
xD
good times man good times hahahaha

hey

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 11:26:26 GMT

Marlow
what is it about use that define us?
make us special..
I kinda realized how...jealous of a person I am hahhahaha. like I'm jealous about a possible thought hahaha its kinda funny. Right now....I don't feel anything...I think its good hahahaha. like I'm not sad...or bored or happy.
feel like an empty shell
hm...you know, I kinda wish it was next year already.
I'm moving to seattle (or so is the plan.)
got into the art institute of seattle and I'll transfer afterwards and right now...I feel hungry and tired but emotionally...nothing...hm...

its strange...not having anything to write about, to think about, I walked my dog which was nice and I sat there on a bench facing the lil body of water at lions feild, saw the sun set and....I knew it was beautiful but I felt nothing...I did feel like I was getting kidnapped cuz cars kept stoping in front of me...for some really weird reason lol
they were big vans too with creepy guys in the front seat. but yeah..
I think I constantly want something different, I have when things are the same, especially if I'm not satisfied with the pattern I have going on. I mean at some point I'll come to like it, there was a point in the beginning of the year where I really enjoyed it, even now I kinda do like having the comfort of having a routine but...my motivation to keep going is the new places and new life I'll start...I guess deep down I think that the life I have now...isn't one I'd really wanna continue, like the life style. I guess I feel unsatisfied...not particularly right now cuz...I really feel nothing right now lol.

has anyone felt that? I mean it isn't bad
you just feel nothing...I actually have a blank mind...its really REALLY weird hahahahha xD

happy happy

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 08:10:48 GMT

happy christmas

I love elf and Zoey Deschanel
xD
she is right behind Ellen Page when it comes to my favorite actresses
^.^
...didn't really get much this year...I'm grateful but yeah

Christmas at my dads house will be better though, he makes me tofurky and yummy vegetarian stuff
:]
I love my dad
I miss him =/

redoing old pictures I painted

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:23:00 GMT

I've improved a bit lol
xD
quite a bit since then
did the lil mermaid
:3
well....
I think I can't wait for the future
and you know what?
I love the humor in animes then most comedys I've watched lol
xD
I mean i like it better then family guy (well most)
and you know...my goals in life...are REALLY important to me lol
I mean sometimes by now I would think "nah impossible I can't do it" but its been over 5 months now and I still think I can make something outta myself if I really gave it my all, and im okay if I fail as long as I fail trying. better to have tried and failed then to have never tried at all
>:D

aight!
Imma give it my all everyone!
yeah!
postive! stay positive sarah! YEAH!
>xD
damn straight I'm cheering myself on ahhaha
I like my positive attitude I have going on hahaha
btw
my reading glasses came in...I can read better now...I mean its easier to see the words now hahaha. although Im not used to wearing glasses so I get head aches >.<

:]
lets do our best everyone...man i feel so positive hahaha xD
meep

hm

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 08:53:01 GMT

toy story three, nice lil reminisce moment for me...Andy's going to college in it, and when the movie gets out, we'll be prepping to go to college too.

=]
its nice....
just now I had this really really irritated feeling but then...watching the clip made me smile.
Everything good and...I feel different. ahhaha
xD
I feel like maybe...everythings good lol
I'm happy
:]

and right now...
I feel like I should have the ppl I love around me
xD
I feel like giving some love around right now hahaha
=D
hm...I feel happy but sad right now.
oh well
I'm just rambling
sahrry

time together is just never quite enough

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:22:05 GMT

hm...that person is coming back...weird..

you know I always try to see my life as a story book, although it isn't really. but in this case the one for high school is kinda both my ideal story but then agian it isn't...like one main thing in a story is that some how or in some weird way the story ends where it began or a conflict in the begin shows up at the end.
this effect kinda makes us reflect on what happened through out the book/movie and makes us remember that, just because something is in the past and is long gone doesn't make it necessarily unimportant.
some minor detail can sometimes, make a strong impact on you later in your life and despite the fact you want it to be over and done with...sometimes that isn't the best way.

to want to forget hurtful things is foolish....to want to forget them though is understandable, and thinking ppl who want to are foolish....that is what truly is foolish.

we put our expectations of ourselves in others, thats whats foolish...especially if someone can't even live up to that expectation in themself...so they have to go off and do it to someone they think can't or want to see fail because they want to know that not just anybody can live up to that expectation. makes them feel good I suppose.
but I digress....
back to the point....
which is really nothing but me rambling.
I just realized right now...I'm coming back to things that bothered me in the past...certain things that have appeared in front of me that haven't been there since...freshmen year....its strange...I'm comparing my first year of high school to my last and in comparison...senior year is way beyond better, forgive me if I seem conceited or full of myself but, I've really grown and I'm proud of myself...I'm happy...

and now after having a few days or rather, weeks of any real way of talking to ppl....makes me realize im okay without ppl...but I could only do that for so long....I love the friends who stuck by me though... I used to feel like I really had to try 9th grade with certain people, im sure they didn't want me to feel that way but I did, felt like an outcast in many ways but...
the people I consider close friends now...
well to them I guess, I apologize if I ever took you for granted...you guys really are special and above almost everything I've ever said in any of these entries I have on LJ. That I can say is the most true thing on here.

I mean it
<3

hm..

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:40:13 GMT

is it weird when you have nothing to think about?
your mind is in a constant state, where you think about...nothing...absolutely nothing.
To the core of me I want to feel something. I have sudden burst of laughter every now and again when It hink of something funny but...
apart of me was so used to having something bringing me down that...now...I feel incomplete...
like not in a sad way but, before I had something in the back of my mind bothering me, whether it be a guy, a friend, my future, or anything for that matter...I just don't know really...I can't tell whether or not this is a good or bad thing..I wonder...

I really do wish there was something..whether it be something to be excited about or to be afraid of...well maybe not afraid...
but I was watching an episode of an anime I love...and usually it gets me thinking and usually I am able to put down words that I can understand...something that means something but today...nothing.
an empty slate....I dont even know if this is good or bad to be honest...I might have been alarmed in the past when I thought my life didn't really matter...or when I though that it was possible that I just gave up on every emotion that I have but...right now..

It does bother me a little that theres nothing...only because its effecting my art work and writing.
I love projects where I have to write a story but...when ever I get that feeling of...feeling absolutely nothing.....absolute silence in my mind...
there is no inspiration...it does bug me a little.

but on a light note I order a lot of things online for gifts for people.
:]

bought my dad something for his world of warcraft game lol some pet thing or something...asian bear panda with a rice hat thingy on lol.
it was funny that he wanted it...and a case of red bull..thats all he asked lol
less then 20 bucks.
hahaha I love my dad
least I have some sorta feelings there

abortion protestors

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:39:11 GMT

okay, like when it comes to causes...I'm sorry but I just think protesting is the last thing on my list of things that make me wanna change my beliefs about something. its run by ppl who won't change their mind, and I guess depending on HOW you protest is what annoys me.
How those abortion protestors are, are just annoying as fuck
all I said was possibly just making fliers or something to hand out with that nasty dead fetus picture and fuck all they tell me is "we have to decide which matters more to us: the feelings of born children or the lives of unborn children? We believe lives trump feelings."

and I'm sorry but how can you discard the feelings of a person whose alive like that?
they are so inconsiderate and it just makes me so fucking mad that ppl get that way.
see this is what I'm talking about
before, I was against abortion to some degree, like it was okay to some extent....BUT
thinking about it I'm kinda for abortion now in some ways... like not just cuz of those stupid ppl
just thinking we are an over populate species. >.>
To some extent I still don't think its okay, but...ugh
those ppl pissed me off, see
that what I hate, how close minded everyone is to the other oppinion in protesting, how it just seems like a shouting match between each person thinking if they're louder and if they make the other person feel less intelligent then...Oh hell they might change their opinion.

in some cases yes protesting is affective, like...ones where they hold up signs and inform ppl, but like to answer the counter argument in a way that makes the person see both sides. if its all about "NO MY OPPINIONS THE RIGHT ONE" then shit if you aren't even going to listen and all your going to do is
belittle everything I say then fuck it...they just give protesters a bad name, they give the cause a bad name...
I prefer like the gay pride parade (thats civil) or groups who hold chariety events to help their cause.

grrr...I wanna hit someone lol

Theres been loads of things happening

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:45:38 GMT

we are all getting ready for next year and now that I've finally think
I'm okay
^.^

I just need to be done with high school...
one problem that I'll have to deal with in the future...

to that one person who is involved...I don't want to leave you.

on another note...I want to go to seattle this winter break :]
and I hope it snows in seattle when I get there lol
I'd like that alot.
SNOW PLEASE!!
xD

got a few things done today

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:21:03 GMT

yay,
mainly college things and things I had to turn in like forever ago lol like for art but yeah...
I hope tomorrow goes well....
=]

I think I'm back to my calm self lol
like not extremely happy but I'm calm...I like this hahaha
I just need to focus on school, future, and sleep hahaha
night
^.^

...maybe...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 09:02:31 GMT

“They say that there’s a kind of fate where people may break up multiple times,
but they end up meeting again in the end.
You’ll meet her again. Because… the two of you… are meant to be together...”
-Jan Di (boys over flowers)

today was a

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 07:25:11 GMT

good day
^.^

picked my glasses out, hungout with jacob (hungout at fred myers, ate at azteca(sp?), and hung out at his house watching anime)
sung then
came home in my warm room
:]

its nice lol
I feel relaxed
Imma do homework this weekedn xD
yeeeees
:D

and im obsessed with Glee now ahahha
:D

I'm finally stable again ^.^

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 08:35:12 GMT

I think I need one more weekend where I spend time alone
I think my untolerable personality lately has been caused by the whole me being around ppl constantly
it like drains me
really it does

but...I think I'm figuring things out...

I'm changing my major to tv productions or graphic design....
thats whats going to make me happy
and last year 87.5% of students who graduated from art institute of seattle
who went and got graphic design or tv pro on average got a job 6 months after graduating
and on average they make a lil more then 31,000 dollars a year
:]
and my advisor Ashley Bradely (who is REAAAAAAALLY pretty)
told me usually the salary goes up as you go further into your career.
:D
scooooore
lol
I'm excited

...I used to feel like I was about to fly out of the earths atmosphere for a while there...as if gravity was giving up on me.
and now I feel as if...I'm apart of this planet in some insignificant yet important way...its nice...but knowing me this feeling isn't perminent.
-_-

i've figured things out

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 07:35:30 GMT

don't you love it when you've reached that point where you just...like it isn't as foggy anymore.
:]

I have some grasp of reality in a way...
before I was so damn confused and then finally i just let it all go and i no longer piss myself off anymore hahaha xD

I think I really do...want everything to be okay.
start over...maybe...lets see how it goes.

but anyways when I got home today
shit I like passed out ahahah
I had trouble keeping my eyes open
xD
I was sooo freaking comfy in my bed
grr...I need to go to sleep earlier
but in psycology we learn we have to go to sleep 45 mins earlier then we usually do, gradually get back back on track sleeping schedual wise
^.^

hm...i was sorta sad before but now i feel a big sense of relief.
:D
yay
xD

I love vince for finding my wallet :D

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:33:45 GMT

yeah vince, best wake up call ever!
xD

but anyways on another note...
well seeing how I am lately.... I'm beginning to wonder...what exactly I want...I'm a bit scared =/
wheres my self control?!!!
>.<
uuuugh!
=[

whats sarah going to do?

surprise party

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:32:44 GMT

I loved it but....
the thing hat really pissed me off was....

I fucking lost my wallet there and they can't find it...I left it on the table....

god dammit, I can't drive around right now.
fuck
>.>

Keep holding on

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:49:02 GMT

I'm rethinking my major...I want to write but then again...looking at the seattle art insitute it makes me think...
setting a meeting up tomorrow with the counsler...

I need to rethink things...
Another thing I realized was...
how much I'm going to miss is everyone in my life now...

everyone, my friends I love so much right now....
please promise me, you won't let our bond thin out...
as long as you try I will...
I don't want to lose everyone if I move far away.
despite the fact I may lose hope in some ways
to a point where I want to lose myself for a while...
where I want to isolate myself from the world...

please....don't let go of me, don't let me fall...
every person deserves a time of weakness every now and again right?
so...keep holding on to me.

if you try I'll try...
I know I'm silly right now but....I dont want to lose anyone.

thinking

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:29:47 GMT

about what I wanted outta my life....
what I want is to live in apartment with friends and such, and when I finially have that special someone....
I want that old victorian house...with a big tree in the front, one that put shade in the front for those really hot days....
a stair cast that curves a lil.... a kitchen, a yellow one, with a nice lil window in front of the sink.
a back yard with loads and loads of forest like green things, with long grass and such....and there is a table, a swing hanging from the tree...
a corgi...or some dog...

I really want something like that ahahah, out some place thats out in the open but still very close to
the city.

I want a kid and someone who I support and supports me.

that what i think I want.
^.^
I'm going to try to get it...today was a poor example of me tryin since I didn't get any work done but still xD
I'm trying
>.<

cleaned my room

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 07:47:36 GMT

finally
lets see how long it says that way
tomorrow I need to finish my homework

and...im sad that i couldn't see
"our town"
made me sad really. >.<
but two more days till i can do 18 year old things....
not sure what thats gunna be but...idk....weird...
not much to say tonight...things have been normal...nothing new really
just need to focus on school more i guess..

i have the urge to run and drink a lot of water. hahaha xD

p.s i can't stop watching friends.
I love friends, one of my favorite sit coms hahahhaha
xD

for one moment

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:13:14 GMT

lets pretend to run away,
for the day...
lets run and do things we never had time for
lets go into an open feild and sing at the top of our lungs
lets swim in a pond
lets dance to a song we thought would always be undancable
tell jokes that have been over told and still laugh at them
attempt a back flip but end up just falling back
remember one another
care for one another
live for one another
love and be loved by one another

for that day....that day in the middle of the year...
the day lets run away.

lets hold hand while gazing at clouds
lets hold each other when we are gazing at the stars
lets kiss each other when we are being gazed at in the rain
lets be unafraid
take a chance
watch black and white movies
climb trees
search for the tallest statue
camp in the safest forest
send messages in a bottle
send messages tied on balloons
swing on the swing set

I want...for one day...even if I'm still in school...I want to do those things...
with you...
for one day i want nothing else to matter
for one day...even if just for that one day

I want to run away

seriously

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:22:51 GMT

my mom wonders why I hate it here...
I'm stressed and tell her to get out of my room cuz shes just sitting there and making noises while I'm trying to concentrate.
she yells at me...calls me disrespectful when shes the one bothering me when I'm trying to study...>.>

college fair made me wonder if writing is REALLY what I want to do with my life, I mean it'd make me happy but,
after seeing seattle Art institute....just made me think..."they have one in NY....maybe..."

and I have guarenteed admission at centeral....
>.>
soooo I'm a bit confused and im just going to apply and if I get in...then I'll get and I'll decide from there....
=/

hm...
washington schools I'm considering
-Western (probably not unless I want to change my major)
-Central (I'm automatically in basically >.>)
-Seattle Art institute
-Tacoma university of washington

(kinda doubt that I'd wanna go to any of these but I'm still rethinking my major...)

I just don't know if...I'll be successful thats all
like if I'll go far.
I want to write books but director sounds much more interesting...
Art is something I've been doing all my life

but the problem with all these things is that...i can't be garuanteed job... Although Seattle Art institute said that they make sure you have a good resume and they won't let you leave until you get a job(or something like that)

and I'd like that....
but then again...I think writing would make me happy in many ways...and art...idk...both of those I can do independently but...idk...
I really don't know.
hell fashion is starting to sound interesting.
like it always has but I never really focused on it soo...I dont know what to do really
>.<
confusion!!!\
Dx

hey Marlow

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 06:39:37 GMT

There are many ways we can say im sorry...
I just don't know which way to say it now...
I just feel like...im in an emotional pickle in all honesty.
a part of me thinks that there is something..
something that could possibly grow, but then...
its like theres only one reason you'd want that.
idk...

then the other person...
their definition is confusion.

Marlow...
why is it that I constantly run into problems like this?
i guess...when the time comes I might just run....

I love Xinia

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:13:05 GMT

why couldn't I just been born a cute guy and dated her?
I mean really, every cute lil thing in her I wish I had in a guy...
I just don't find her attractive in that way since I don't entirely play that way...
I only play that way for Ellen Page you know that.

but seriously,
went to Noahs ark with her and
psh...
she kinda put my mind at ease. no matter what I do,
no matter if I'm discouraged, or heart broken...I can always count on Xinia
:]

I'm scared though...I feel as if I am going to come out empty handed....
That I'll end up hurting ppl or ppl will end up hurting me...
gr...pull at those strings all ya want...
eventually they'll snap, trust me...

but I still got Xinia and my other friends.
^.^

meeeep

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:32:24 GMT

hey marlow,
is it possible to be spilt into two?
not phicially but emotionally?
I'm starting to piss myself off...I thought I had ended all this nonsense a long time ago...
I still have a ways to go.

I'm caught in the middle...I feel as if there is a logical way of going about this but...despite the fact that the answer to it seems like...its simple enough...
doing so might bring that black hole that used to be in the back of my chest back...
idk if I'm ready for that. >.<

I don't want gravity to give up on me...
don't let me drift away from this world...
don't let me pass that atmosphere...

hey marlow

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:14:22 GMT

do you remember those days where everything seemed perfect?
no problems?

then right when you think about one thing...that thing that caused so much misery in the past...
it pops up...
im afraid I dont have the strength anymore...
I'm afraid I won't be able to hold on to myself...

to that thing I am talking about...
please stay where you are...please be happy where you are...

I need to fly away...
new york...
london...
tokyo...
portland...
chicago....

it doesn't mater anymore....
just make it some place far away, I dont want to be in a town where the person you expect to understand why you want to leave doesn't understand...

no attachments...alone...
to me that experience...that feeling of breaking away from everyone...
its freedom...

I want to fly away.
alone and someplace I've never been...
away from memories...distractions...

alone...with my thoughts... i want that freedom.

p.s.
speaking of chicago I'm going to seattle on saturday to see talk to a person there for an art school in chicago and...well...yeah its at the art musium in seattle, anyone wanna go?